Monday, March 17, 2008

In my Place, I looked up at the Glass and saw the Vendor

Yadira Arroyo

I am being told to thirst for you. And I sort of do because there is only so much that I can resist. I mean, wow, in terms of the system, you are a gem. You don't see that of course, but I know better. And what if despite my credence, I could still pocket you? What a secret accomplishment that would be for me. Then you would become my trophy.

That's when it gets twisted. You are something strange that the system expelled. You are strange because you are positively (you know, like, not achromatic) colored vomit and that carries with it a lot of stigma. If anything, your buddies should be the first ones to undo the myth, but no, you refuse to undermine your own discomfort for it is you that the system holds the dearest. If anything, I'd say that you are the system's greatest excrement. You are its pride for you have the tools of dissatisfaction to raise your consciousness and overturn the whole demonic thing, yet you haughtily choose to remain within its walls. You are by far its most obedient baby.

So in your awkward and intriguingly dissectible position on the plane, stupid as you are to stay where you are, I find you interesting. If only I could say that I held you in my hand, what a feat that would be! That alone would qualify and accept me within the system. Secretly, I would betray everything that I stand for. I think that what I am most concerned with though is having an obedient baby's praise. Now that, would surely fuck things up. It's your unique position that allows me to crave you. A craving only lasts so long though, I am well aware. I want to get in and stay in you for a long time and I want you to enter and exit as fast as possible. Hell, it would be the best if you didn't even have to be in me.

Now, why am I writing this? Well, I have a unique position too. This position is tenuous, weak and hurtful because it demonstrates my inability to perform for the system. I don't actually want to be active in it, but if my mere presence could activate that false power, ooh how that would make me giddy! I have a unique position too, but you tricked me. Given the circumstances, I made my calculations and wrote out the formula for a perfect ride. You however, turned out to have the upper hand. How? You were never in the same position as I was and that's what I had figured. As time passed and I connected more dots, I became aware of your strange position. And now, as I deal with the numbers and figures, the new information leads to one answer: I'm getting fucked in this position. Everything would be good if I didn't secretly want to purchase a piece of the poisonous pie. Now I see that I am truly being made into my essence and that's because you are still playing the game. I stopped playing but to you, I will always be something within. Essence.

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